Back in the Swing of Things

Holy crap kids, I just had the hardest time getting back into it after this amazing break. A helluva lot happened. First I went to visit Maddi, met her roomates who were so much fun that we all went to bar on a Monday night, watched the amazingness that was the Invasion of the Body Snatchers (I mostly only watch old movies to laugh at them), came back to DeKalb, ate mashed potatoes in a house full of cats, watched The Last Emperor (which we did not realize was 3 hours long!) with the rents, and went to see Maddi's dad in his glorious role as early '80's Chicago punker at the screening of the documentary "You Weren't There: Chicago Punk 1977-1984". Enjoy assailment of ears here:



It was both awkward and amazing.

Anyway, I came back Sunday and was all "Oh hell yeah, I'm going to work my ass off and get all this shit done!" Then I went to my studio. I looked at my painting. I looked at it and I loathed
it. I wanted to trash it. I wanted to never look at it again and start fresh and hope for the best with that. So I didn't work on it. It hung over my desk in my studio as a very literal symbol of how much I sucked. Then I had to write a rough draft for my rhet class for Monday and my second short story for narrative writing for Wednesday, so I did nothing with it. I kept putting it off and off and off until today, when I realized that if I didn't do anything soon that I was going to have to present it at crit like that. That left me cold but it got my ass in line. I went in today and mixed colors and suddenly, after 20 minutes of work, I didn't hate it anymore! See kids, I should have trusted myself more. The studio class has made me lose so much confidence in my painting ability that I forgot that I do, in fact, know how to paint. I've been doing it for years. Just not specifically in this way. Anyway, here's what it looks like now that I've integrated that giant white spot in:



Sorry it's so blurry. Here's a detail where you can actually see what the damn thing looks like:


I think it breaks it up beautifully. There's still work to be done, obviously. The bottom needs some work. But I can see the end in sight, and it put me in the best mood I've been in since Maddi, her roommates, and I all broke into a Spice Girls song on the way back to their dorm at three in the morning last week. I was seriously giddy. Ask Kelly and Christine.

I also worked on Galapagos Islands, and I think that it's coming along as well, but there is no way that it's going to be done when I put it up at crit. The Iceland painting is layer on layer on layer and thats why it's rich. Galapagos is like, three layers and layers require time to dry. It'll be on layer four or five by crit time. Oh well, I don't even care. I just care that I broke the fracking Berlin wall with my Iceland painting. Anyway, here it is as is:



Detail:



I'm going for "Sky of death assails the light of the growing earth". They're volcanoes. I'm rethinking the idea of the volcano as growth and fertility of the earth rather than as a destructive force, I suppose. I don't really know whats going on with the China painting. I just never got it started and now it's a stretcher with a layer of gesso. If I start start it and put it up at crit it's just going to look like ass. Of course, the level of finish could work for the concept rather than against it. Or I might just do something crazy that my mother would hate to the China painting I already have started. I dunno. We'll see.

Gluh. Crit at 8 tomorrow. They are getting some serious comments about crit time on the ICES form. Three out of fifteen weeks of class for crit? A little ridic.

listening to: Arcade Fire--Neon Bible

While Maddi is tutoring . . .

Okay, so I did something drastic to my painting, just like I said I would. I think also that I had kind of a break through. Not a huge one, but enough of one that I don't feel like puking anymore. Here are some pictures and details.



See the huge ass white spot? That's new. It's going to dry while I'm gorging on mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, and then I am going to make it a lot less white.




Yeah. We'll see. My mom liked it, but she pretty much likes everything I do, which is nice, but not terribly helpful. *sigh*

listening to: Maddi helping some freshman with a paper on Dharma.
Reading: The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

Thanksgiving Break AT LAST

Port 2 Port Press has put out their beautiful 2008 hand cranked calander which I will not be investing in because of England trip and saving up for a car.


This is, however, what I aspire to. I'm going to put out my holiday cards after this week (a bit later than should happen, I suppose, but still before December) and see how those sell. If all goes well, then this spring I will start work on a 2009 calander to be ready for next November.

Thank goodness class is off for a week. I desperately need it, not just because I love to sleep in, but also to revise my essays, start another two essays, and finish my next short story. I'm going to get as much writing done as I possibly can because when I get back, it's all studio all the time until my final crit on December 3. I'm going to do something fairly insane to my painting before I leave just to get it out of its slump . . . I'm at the point where I really feel like I don't know how to paint anymore. This is good because it means I'm challenging myself, but it's also super frustrating. I just hope that I get a breakthrough with it and that I'll love it in the end. Right now I just don't love it. I know I love a painting I do when I just can't stop looking at it and it makes me feel really proud and happy. I am not anywhere close to that feeling.

Thing today that did make me happy, though it was a bit premature? Altgeld Hall playing Christmas carols after my last class as I was walking to the financial aid building. I was also kicking around crinkly fall leaves at the time, so it was little weird.

Thing that made me upset: the knowledge that tv, my precious tv will not be showing anything new for awhile. I will sorely miss new episodes of The Office (Jim and Pam were going to have dinner at Jan and Michaels!), 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and House. Seriously, just give the writers what they want. How are they even arguing? It's ridiculously obvious that the writers should get paid.

To tide us over:



listening to: Sufjan Stevens--Songs for Christmas (Yes, I know it's too soon. GD Altgeld Hall . . .)

Layer Five

Of note today: Apparently our (UIUC) football team beat Ohio State, which is apparently a big deal. Or something. This was evident as I walked to the painting studio and saw three wailing police cars rush past, one ambulance, and hordes of shrieking drunk people conglomerating outside of frats. As much as I love Friday Night Lights (mmmm, Tim Riggans . . .) I always get annoyed every loud Saturday. I think I will move to Urbana next year where I will happily remain unaware of whether our football team is winning or losing.

listening to: Jenny Lewis & the Watson Twins--Rabbit Fur Coat

Working Working Working

Okay, so here is a not so horrid but still not terribly good picture of layer 4 of Yellow Mountain, Iceland. When I finish it I'll definitely borrow a tripod from upstairs Art & Design and get some good lighting going on. Anyway, I'm just going to keep building up until I feel like it's done. Also here is the first layer of Yellow Mountain, Galapagos Islands.


Still a looong way to go. I built the stretcher for the new Yellow Mountain, China, today and will probably stretch tomorrow. Good times.

I also realized that I don't have a job right now, and that its really cramping my style of occasionally spending money and saving up for something good. Last time I spent a chunk of money I'd saved up was on my macbook pro. So I've decided to make some holiday cards on the letterpress here at school and sell them in my shop, which right now only has paintings in it that I've kind of overpriced because I don't really want to let go of them. I think over winter break I'll get my craft on and make some bags and cut some linoleum for more cards on the letterpress. We'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, I'll get a real job.

I took one of those color quizzes. This actually sums me up pretty well, I think.

you are violet #EE82EE

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

It's very true that I work on projects like that. I keep telling my mom that it's going to work out in the end, and she never believes me but 98% of the time it does.

listening to: Cat Power--The Covers Record

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Spooky, scary . . . boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.

Iceland! Oh Iceland! (Theme Song of Iceland)

So this is exciting: I basically know what I'm doing now. It, sadly, includes abandoning the China painting I've been working on up to now. But like I said previously, it's not a total loss as I do think I learned a lot about the way I need to paint for these projects in particular for that. I'm going to build the new stretcher for that (I really just couldn't stand to just gesso over all that work . . . I still think something can be done with it) fairly soon. I've already got all the wood cut, it just comes down to builiding and stretching and gessoing another stretcher. It's funny because when I first started to do it, building my own stretchers from scratch on my own felt really good. It felt independent and like I was capable of making a lot of my own stuff. But now it's just a drag, mostly because this is the fifth one I've got to do this semester. I know I can do it, and that's enough for me now. I can't wait until I can afford to pay for someone to do it for me.

So anyway, I suppose I should actually write down what my idea is and what I've been thinking about a lot in terms of contemporary landscape. China is old--3.2 billion years?--as old as the earth. However, as far as civilization is concerned, China is a huge mesh of old and new. While there are still huge areas of farm land littered with illiterate peasants, there are also huge polluted metropolises which seem to be China, and the worlds wave of the future. Soon (very soon, particularity when you consider time the way that I am in the age of land masses) vast fields, forests, and open areas in general will be a thing of the past.

Iceland, on the other hand, is newer. It rose up from the ocean floor because of its volcanic activity. It was created from fire but is named for ice. It is still growing as from time to time a volcano will erupt, continuing the cycle. I find the idea of this continuation of life in the midst of human struggle fascinating. We haven't even been around for an ounce as long as the earth, Iceland, or even the last place I am going to portray, the Galapagos Islands. The Galapagos Islands are also volcanic, and they are where Darwin developed his theory of evolution because of the way that all the species evolved internally because they were isolated form the rest of the world. I think that this is what is interesting about them and what makes them the last piece in my series. Before human interaction, how much longer would they have gone on being isolated? How much longer would there have been a place that certain species inhabited that no other place ever would have seen? I think I will shroud this painting in a cloak of cloudy glazes, only to have growth (the volcanic activity) poke through and glow as brightly as a coin in the sun. Iceland, too, will be shrouded, but its life will be a funnel of smoke filtering into the sky. China will be flat and eroded, dark and glowing at the horizon. Glowing over the edge of earth.

So here are the first three layers of Yellow Mountain, Iceland.

One

Two

Three

Blug. I need to invest in a tripod or stop sucking at taking photos so much. Part of the problem is that they're shiny because they're oil paintings so I can't take pictures with the flash on, and for some reason without the flash my camera takes only blurry photos.

Outside of art news: Today my American Lit prof made a noise that sounded like "OooooOOoo" (think a weirder Twilight Zone noise) after saying something particularly convoluted. Upon receiving odd looks, he explained that "Sometimes I say something so pretentious that I just have to make that noise after." It made my life. He is such a weirdo that he makes me feel normal.

Also I finished a paper in two hours, and I feel pretty confident about it. It is titled "Oh No She Di-hin't!: Female Relationships in Nella Larsen's Passing". I have to admit, one thing (the only thing?) that I will miss about writing academic papers after I finish with them this semester is coming up with ridiculous titles for them.

listening to: Ella Fitzgerald--Blues in the Night

Today's Painting Philosophy: Simplicity is your Friend

"Norham Castle, Sunrise"
JMW Turner

Learning

Layer 5? 6? I forget. It feels like layer 1 million. And I'm not even a little close to where I want to be with it. I think I applied too much paint in some places, and now it's lost the glow it had. Not entirely, but enough for me to be frustrated by it. But before I do something rash like gesso over it, I'm going to put it aside and work on the Yellow Mountain, Iceland painting. I think that though this first Yellow Mountain, China painting may be a bust, I learned a lot from it. If I do gesso over it, I have a lot clearer of an idea of what I want to do as opposed to just randomly painting. And isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing in college? Learning? So I'm not too bent out of shape about it. After all, my first oil painting was total crap but the next one turned out really well. I just needed to get a handle on the materials, and in this case, the landscape in my mind, which I want to glow but be in a dark, ominous atmosphere because of the rapidly changing landscape of China. I imagine myself floating miles above this brown and green landscape. Little puffs of black smoke hover above clumped areas of architecture. Then, a breath of wind and they scatter and darken my view. All I see is soot.

I chose China for a reason. It's old and steeped in tradition but the past sixty years have been wrapped in change. The past ten have been like a giant leap into industrialization and now they seem to be grasping the future with a vice-like grip. The question is whether or not it is a good future with breathable air. Another question is whether I can convey all these ideas in one painting.

I've been looking at Turner because he's one of the first artists you turn to (ha!) when you're thinking romantic landscapes. Him and Frederic Edwin Church, at any rate. I really just can't get enough of Turner in particular, though. His landscape are rough and soft, and they really glow. I've been looking at these and thinking simplicity:






In other news, I made some bread! It takes awhile, but if you're sitting around your apartment writing say, a paper for five hours, then you have plenty of time to start bread, realize that you've run out of flour halfway through, make the 10 minute journey to Walgreens, and come back and finish. I'm pleased with it, though it did kind of fall apart the minute I tried to cut it, which was weird because it sounded hollow when I knocked on the bottom like my Mom said it should. What did I do wrong, Mom? Oh well, it still tasted damn good. Jam and cream cheese on fresh baked bread with tea is one of the greatest pleasures in life.


Listening to: Regina Spektor--Soviet Kitsch

"Besides having sex with men, The Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."

Oh The Office. You never cease to please.

It's that time again

But first, a ridiculously blurry image of my painting! This, my friends, is why I quit photography. I suck an every frame was blurry. Anyway, I thought two more layers but its just not done yet. I guess I'll just keep working it until I feel that it's done. I'm starting two more paintings (Yellow Mountain, Iceland and Yellow Mountain, ?) so I'll be able to step back from it a bit as well.

So it's time to sign up for classes again. I got an email asking me if I was going to graduate this spring because evidently I have enough credits to (even though I've got a bit more to do for my major) so that was kind of cool because I know I'm getting close. Seriously, 3 more semesters?? People keep asking me what I'm going to do when I graduate, too. That happened a lot less last year. I figure I'll take a year off and work or travel or something, and then maybe apply to the MFA creative writing program at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. Thank God MFA programs are only two years. That means I can get an MFA in writing and studio no problem. Plus Vancouver looks like a really cool city, and my parents may or may not have moved to Oregon by then.

These are my classes for next semester:

Creative Writing 106--Intro to Poetry
Art Studio 499--Advanced Painting
Art Studio 351--Intermediate Studio II
Art Studio 210--Ceramic Sculpture I
Art History 360--Women and the Visual Arts

I'm going to have 3 studios all in a row on Monday and Wednesday. It's going to be kind of intense, but hopefully none of them will schedule critique on the same day. I would die.

Listening to: Johnny Cash--American IV--The Man Comes Around